Tethering to stability is downright sexy. Because many of our upbringings have included levels of some dysfunctionality we’re not guaranteed an auto-pilot of boundaries. Forming a connection around protective assurance was not exactly a card-carrying given in my family. To be positively fair, my youth was immensely picturesque in its beauty, travels, home offering, and lack of the picket fence independence for this homegrown hippie-child who swung from a lot of trees. As with many parents, there was the additional drinking and arguing. Mostly, what was lacking is the same I find continually creeping into conversations I share about broken relationships issues ~ a missing bond of trusted shelter. Anchoring acceptable austerity allows ample prosperity. Without the safe space to live, speak, discuss, and just be with our feelings and thoughts openly, genuinely, we’re often crafting poor habits that are supporting the defeats we then repeat.
You get what you tolerate. ~Dr. Henry Cloud
Sometimes restraint is the winning medium. It can appear ironic that “no” gets you farther in life. Notably in any universal context where the availability for accepting things is shoved at you through online to in-person extremes. My bleeding heart just wants everyone to be happy. Honestly, the amount of my lifetime I’ve spent catering to making sure others were feeling good, settled, out of harm’s way, lavished in riches I couldn’t partake is kind of silly in hindsight. Amusing merely that my affinity for selflessness brought me to pouring gobs of these ponderings onto journals or laptops to wind unto today. If I had my idealistic agency, we’d all be roaming a bit more clothing optionally released, working from playgrounds between serious means supporting our neighbors to other countries as readily as we brush our teeth, rush in traffic, drink coffee or eat cheese. Alas, you (likely laughing) souls, I’m not the woman in charge of your divinity. Loosening my attention on others before myself has been a cardinal ruling.
There is a comforting sobriety in security. Dropping into a practice of calling out situations through communicating has remained a personal testing near-weekly, if not daily. I’ve traditionally sucked at confrontation. However, living has a weird wieldy access for gifting the entrance of your refusals if you’ve leaned too heavily upon a string of “yes” to everything. What is right for me or you is definitely up to our sense of being to determine, then dictate. Where we often get stuck is in prescribing the command for our defense. ‘Safety-first’ seems it arrived on the scene as a British slogan as far back as 1873 (though said to be snagged from U.S. Railroads). Though, the United States Steel Corporation coined the familiar term in 1912. While its modern application has crossed from quality to sex-safety (i.e. wearing a condom). This phrase referencing the importance of safety at all should be assigned the weight of The Beatles if you ask me. Nothing bears doing absent of safeguarding.
Patterning is as squeamish as aiming to keep jello easily in between your fingers. It’s a picky, fussy mess if we’re wishing to alter its meticulous meddling for more beneficial results. Yet, we are largely the designer of how things will turn out for ourselves. Therefore, acute awareness maintains our driver’s seat. When we experience confusion to disruption of any consideration from friends to strangers or whatever arc bridging, I urge you to take charge to set the perimeters straight for your needs. Different circumstances may be cause for safety in numbers versus instances that our solo going is the saving stride. It will always be wiser to have people to leave us alone than to have to fend off manipulative, controlling, acerbic or predatory behaviors. As we avow our ability to understand and never undermine our own certainty, we’re building our custody of preservation. Limits actually conserve our limitless sensations.
The sanity of what is truly safe for each of us is our sanctity. I’ve reignited my perception of faith through the simplicity of not answering a message all the way to a sincerely in-depth explanation. There’s a compulsion I have to complete liaison streams. An oddly hard-won lesson for me is not replying according to anyone reaching out to me. Lately, I’ve had a few male friends coming strongly at me via texting. From vitriolic lashing to calling me “babe” when you scarcely know me intimately is scary. An etiquette of peace-maintenance can sorely screw with your manner of refuge. Thankfully, in this case, both are multiple oceans away from me. Monitoring their impact on my sensitivity is my barometer for deeming the safety of return responses (or not). Separation from aberration supports healing thinking. Harmony is not restricted to bringing beauty to the ears, as its expansion involves emotional leeway. Halting is healthy. Relief is in molding best anchoring allies.
May your self-FULL serenity direct your days safely.