Emotions Shaken and Stirred, Selfie

Humans are captivating beings. We are worthy of enchantment. With each enthralling entity comes a wealth of emotion. Even those of us who are seemingly exactly alike as twins have some distinct differences. Therefore, we are utterly unique. This is billions of people with quadrillions of perceptions and reactions flying around. While we cannot feel for another, we may assume to entirely identify with the feelings another is having. All this impulsivity can cause a range from brilliant bonding to dramatic disdain. Caught in a landslide of my own emotional pinnings lately, I was overcome with the urge to seek out my emotive brethren. Herein, emotional porn was birthed to me:

Emotional porn

/əˈmōSH(ə)n(ə)l/ /pôrn/

INFORMAL

noun

1. a glamourized visual presentation of one’s feelings or psyche as related to their display of sharing such overtly. These may be emotions of high sensitivity and impassioned content. Think exotic — even erotic — affectations, showing or speaking of sentiments, showing a longing for touching which arouses a desire in others to emotively stir their own emotions powerfully.

“He posts superb emotional porn to his Facebook page every day.”

2. the glorification of emotions as a substitute for sex. Emotional porn often takes the form of emotional photography (and video) with styling that presents emotions provocatively, in a similar way to glamour photography or even pornographic photography.

“I can churn for hours looking at emotional porn online.”

verb

1.. a means to illicit attention for one’s emotional state. Sensationally emphasizing aspects of one’s feelings to garner attention.

“Her crying was emotional porn begging every speck of my consideration.”

I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them. ~Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

Our stories command our personal surveillance. Regardless if these stories are true facts or supposed encounters. Such is the enthralling spell of alive. Mixed in the magic are bundles of limitless emotions. What we make of all our instances creates our personal narratives. Tucked inside the folds of all of these tales are countless options for emotional porn to thrive. Maybe someone continually posts upbeat things on social media, even in the midst of a rough day. They are better for it from the flood of positive replies that lift their spirits. Another could be stuck in depicting an envious life while suffering in heart and mind. Do we spill tears to receive a hug or just come out to ask for one when it’s wanted? All actions beget reactions, so where along the spectrum does your emotionally pornographic accountability lodge or dislodge?

In accordance with our collective cultural needs to connect with others, along with technology giving us platforms to do so without meeting in person, a new level of emotional porn is born every second. I acknowledge that for many porn by itself presents a strong negative or seedy portrayal across similar and any arenas. Yet, even porn has roots as variation within our traditional employment themes we may like to think we own as ‘should be’ one way only. I’ll call this the ‘no harm, no foul’ rule. If anything truly isn’t hurting someone, who are we to judge. The same goes for emotional porn. I may not enjoy bombardment of certain friends troubles or photos marking every step through their day, but I have the choice to delete my social media account anytime, or simply adjust my feed, block, or completely unfriend them. Likewise, there’s an endless supply to keep me riveted.

If I want to dive through sketchy emotional roller-coasters extolling the worst of humanity’s hysterics it’s waiting for me. On the other hand, as the sky pours droplets and my with it drains my energy to get to the gym, my trip through new Instagram profiles of couples romping in faraway vistas hugging and kissing until the cows come home is a super satisfying dose of emotional porn. I think two things are at play. We have emotional porn applauded quite possibly in poor taste that’s likely holding a lot of youth (and some too many adults) hostage to giving us their every impression. Then we have emotional porn on a polar opposing impulse drawing us into a tribe of like-minded followers for cementing relationships, greater good, peace, instilling self-esteem, security, and oozing oxytocin highs.

Catching oneself in the action of being absorbed with self or another is ingenious awareness. Defining what is true about our gamble to expose our emotional porn can prepare us to more confidently tackle intimate, professional, and familial relationships. Asking if you’re engrossed from a happy versus needy space is a useful tool. A few exceptional online dating profiles I’ve selected in my time could win an award for their emotional porn success. Why we reveal outwardly what is going on with our innards can be a compelling mechanism for engaging able bodies in our direction. Check in with your cravings to register any impulsive nature. Enticing is nice, although poignantly passionate porn is also a misnomer. Authenticity is for the long-haul, while instantaneous can beckon irrationality.

May your emotionally pornographic ways lead you out of clumsy temptations and lend you more hot-blooded realities.

LOVER of life. Especially people, places, philanthropy and photography.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store