One of the biggest transitions in my adult life centered on the ability to be friends with many of my ex’s. Whether ex-boyfriends, lovers, dating prospects, sometimes even one-night stands.
I think I was a typical girl in my youth. I wanted a boyfriend, my first ‘real’ kiss, to make love one day, eventually get married and have a family. I was hard-wired to approach all of this under the guise of a bizarre veil that made me think every second of my time with a guy needed to be perfect, that our time together being wholly good meant we were good forever, and that fidelity meant everything. There were a zillion other suspicions that were hijacking my healthy latitude.
As time passed, and relationships failed over and again, largely due to the exact expectations I’d placed on them, be the effects a range of jealousy or infidelity or time apart doing one’s own thing, adapting to a new wave of thinking was the only sane thread left. I reckon a most difficult repetitive mortal moment is the piercing point when we know it is only us that is in the way of us.
I flexed toward so much when finally breaking my own shell. All my self-work exploration choices unfolded and defined me: working with a life coach, spiritual advisor, traditional psychotherapy, multiple personal and development coaches, writing workshops, twelve-step programs, varied relationship workshops, seminars, and the list goes on!
What I received was the gift of EXcellence. The collectible reasoning where I was able to keep the significant men I’d tried on for my life partners, as much they’d tried me on, yet we knew we weren’t meant to be in love as life partners, instead of in love as friends.
I don’t know why something so ‘simple’, rational, and useful, took me a while. I only know the enormous trophy it’s placed on the scope of my patience while still questing in life, which leaves room for that dreamboat of a man I get to proudly consider is the world’s best man ever because he will choose me for the rest of his life.
Let me equally call upon the myriad of ex-factors this may include beyond enchantment, such as ex: bosses, co-workers, technically even family members (gosh, the divorce rate continues to meander upward, so there are likely a bunch of familial origins of ex-humans roaming your family tree), pets, maybe even ex-plants you cut out of your life thinking you’d never raise a green thumb in your life, but alterations come in many shapes and sizes if we persist with sterling intention.
The space to stimulate our own field of dreams is much the point of living, from my blushing little tract of Earth. I robustly beseech any of you who deems an ‘ex’ worthy to move them/it from history to present, if you’d placed them out not reach just so. Sure, be prudent and sound in choosing. Not everyone is suited for everyone. That’s a lot of the sorting we’re all doing with one another all the time anyway.
For clarity, I’m not habituating a nuisance of indiscretions or disrespect for current canoodling connects. I caution that one’s integrity ought to remain in check. All this is always on us anyway. Instead, I’m proclaiming a deep esteem for the surprise of alighting your world with more vigor. I think the more honorable men in my life will simply ignite the brightness quotient on high beam brilliance. Besides, how can more spectacular people not add up?
Go on, try it — give yourself the gift of EXcellence!