When in doubt, don’t just go big, just go. I’m referring to that contrast of action or stagnation. Movement is a tricky thing. For most of us, it’s a default requirement to steps throughout our day. Then, there are days where you might fight tons of feedback in your head. It’s times like the latter where I lament of the disturbance in my own force. There may be incessant turbulence erupting my serenity, or merely an inability to move at all. Sometimes I literally feel locked in a trance in bed, unwilling to find the light of day. I cover my eyes from the sunshine and I seek nothing but slumber.
Mothering yourself is not an extravagance. It is as vital as the air, water, and food we consume. Mothering yourself might be the missing ingredient to your exuberant sustainability. I know it is for me. Attention to myself was an anomaly for a very long time. I come from a history of dependence on others for my salvation. I come from a lineage that includes addiction, therefore caretaking others also fell into step before caretaking myself. The lightbulb didn’t brightly illume a realization of the inner maternal requirement to consider me as the root source until much later in my now half-life mark. But, tenderly I share, there really is nothing that compares to you.
You must mother yourself like an elephant to her calf or the Koala to her joey. So, when Mother’s Day aligns and I don’t have the obvious children to look to, it used to appear that I didn’t have the autopilot mode of caring inwardly. Indeed outwardly I love creating gifts and appreciation for others. The tilt was seeing the ultra protective and shimmer effect when I showered myself with support. Like shelter in a rainstorm, I immediately felt bathed in all the warm gooey life sauce that refilled my rejuvenation tank. Giving myself a massage, bath time ritual soaking in delectable suds with candles and dark chocolate covered toffee, naked dance breaks to What I Like About You, long walks on the beach, a swim in the sea, the rush of an expertly-driven fast car ride, a day at the amusement park, sailing, camping, girl time, boy time, kids time, animal hugs, and so on and on. Surprise yourself with flowers, a card of inspiration, a movie date, dinner at a fancy or favorite restaurant, that bathing suit that makes you feel like a million bucks (no matter the bulges you worry over), or even a new pet inchworm.
There is a rare relationship reward found in the animal kingdom versus humans. Animals show up most authentically. What you see is what you get. What you get is what is taking care of itself and those it loves around itself. It’s fully aware that without its own survival, the survival of those around it will not continue. Animals understand love comes first. And I don’t see true love showing in any instance without primary mothering of self-being well in place. Also, animals don’t drive fancy cards or need big ritzy homes to get on with their day. They attend to virility and to mothering for a large part. They hunt, build, connect, share and otherwise fill their time with caring themselves as a body and a species, not as a materialistic comparison or gaining the never-ending ‘more’. You just don’t see tigers throwing barbs about whose pride has a better shade structure than another. You might see them fight for the rights to use another’s space, but the space they didn’t rent, buy or try to sell at a profit. It is a very special rare relationship to have human friendships that aren’t caught up in the reward system of materialism. Hold your loved ones precious who don’t require anything from you but such love.
Without mothering, I think we all may attest to things that can go awry. Relationships that have lost a healthy mothering component are sickened and distort. Likewise, forgetting to mother yourself can easily show itself in similar ways. This type of self-care is like nectar to the Honeybee. Without it, not only you but all the rest around you that you care for will perish. Mothering yourself is that crucial. Proportionately, it’s not fixated on physical things. Mothering oneself is stripping down the outward driven cloaks to get to the bare bones of what you really need, based on who you really are, and why your life matters to be filled with joy.
I’ll bet many of you have done a lot of kind things for others. It’s alright if you’re more focused on your time for the most part too. Manifesting a mothering instinct for yourself is a spotlight to rewire the thinking that putting ourselves first produces ego or ill will selfishly. I beg to differ. There are ego and narcissism, which are often constructs of choice and can occur in dark ways. Wholly, ego is not a bad aspect of oneself. Placing oneself as a premium above others in a positive way actually can prevent the poor behavior. When we take care of us in a sensible and sound way, we make room for then having space to care for others. I don’t believe the second comes in good shape without the first. Again, lessons that took me many years to ponder and project. Mostly because I saw this work 100%!
So, for all the times you’ve mapped a moment around actually, or thinking you were going to support another by some means of ‘mothering’, instead take a pause to ask if you might be best served to mother yourself first. Make a list of the ways you’ve mothered people or situations to success. Apply some of these techniques, styles, gifts, and support to yourself. Every time I apply my best self to myself, I find I smile more, skip down the street, am more giving, loving, and start showing up for myself even more and amplify the extent of my positive legacy on the world at large.
If one thing be true, mothering yourself may make a yummier you shine through!