Photo by BradensEye, artwork courtesy of Ben’s Bells Project

Sometimes I Forget to Shine

Dear Today,

I need to get something off my chest. I need to reestablish our pact of moxie. I want my super powers back, please.

I was engaged in love’s honeymoon high dreaming when you woke me. I selfishly curled back into myself, skin again skin, asking for more time away from reality. Yet, I was committed otherwise and took your heed begrudgingly. There was pep missing in my step. There was positivity missing in my being. There were fewer smiles, some loneliness, a large lack of tears, and a general hardness from the exhaustion of a sizable overwhelm.

It’s mostly my fault. I’ve been caught in a rotation of why to be, how to be, where to be, what to be… doing, achieving, contributing. A minor melodrama, rambunctious within the exact timings of current temporary work to support my bank account, a late forty-something menstrual cycle, a lack of nature’s oxygen at the levels I’ve deemed necessary, minus exercise, a gnarly aftermath of sinus aggression due to food addictions of the dairy kind I know well to ignore but didn’t the prior week, and likely a heavy measure of how-exactly-did-I-get-right-to-this-momentness reverberating overall.

Then, it dawned on me. I could change my routine. I could take breaks to step outside. I could do a favorite down-dog yoga stretch when breathing the fresh air. I may salute the sun, and even hug a tree if one was nearby. I could consume more good liquids and solids. I could start with every single item in my current day and world to give gratitude and kick my butt back into shape. I’m grateful for: a comfy bed to sleep in and time to dream, a roof over my head that doesn’t leak, clean clothes to wear and some really super cute, technology to help me build my business and keep up with my friends and family around the world, so many friends and family around the world who love me, plenty of food to eat, all the people who helped make all the things that run my world…. Now the world pendulum was swinging towards me again.

What a typical human I am. What a common theme. What a glistening opportunity to practice all that I am. To achieve the greatness of self, we must careen the cavernous expanse of dark within our light.

Today, my every new day, you gift me a new chance to waltz or sit the sidelines stewing. While I know there will be cop-out days, or quiet ones, or those when I’m under repair, I promise to make the most of what I’ve got because you chose me to have another. If there’s any question ever, I pledge to watch this supreme dose of video inspiration — the best short film about life ever — until my head is firmly pulled out of my bum.

Sometimes I forget to shine and I am ok with that. I don’t have regrets. Not a one. As the darkest times have gifted me as much, if not more, light in hindsight. It’s a hard knock life fact that is my own. I defy many of you to challenge me on this. Rather, if you want such a challenge, and have watched said video at least three times, and still want to debate me about always seeking a way to the brighter side of life, I’ll probably recommend some MMA training for you instead.

I am willful.

I am wise.

I am allowed to be fragile.

I am in charge.

I am all colors.

I am pure shiny whenever I wish.

I am weak in spots.

I am strong in character.

I am refurbished by ancestry.

I am holy novelty.

Love,
Sunny side up (sometimes) Me

LOVER of life. Especially people, places, philanthropy and photography.

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