Preserving the past Without Living in It, Photo by BradensEye circa Greece 2011

MARRIAGES 0 ~ DIVORCES MANY

Great divides are merely space for trendsetting souvenir collecting. With every departure, we’re given the opportunity to lend ourselves the novel notion of giving something to the new nothing. Our relationship ended, but we retained our lovers best friend as our own. We lost a job only to gain a massive sense of career change momentum we’d been hiding from wanting far too long. The family dog took to the ever-after and that silky Siamese saunters into our home. Letting things go doesn’t have to end with a loss. There is tons of room to obtain or, shall I say, retain. Trading what we gave up, whether willingly or not, for a trophy that was part of the package ought to be one of your new cardinal rules. We must look closely to save that which served us best all along.

I want Billowy too. And the espadrilles. And the sunglasses. And you. ~André Aciman, Call Me by Your Name

I may know a summer love affair is destined to end, but it’s rarely stopped me from sinking my teeth into something that isn’t essentially my long-term payoff. There are a few sweetest shares that I honestly have loved with the depths of my soul and who hold a soft spot in my thoughts in spite of missing promises of their longevity. However, I’ve been ‘married’ to loads of lovers. In truth, I’ve yet to walk that aisle, trade rings, or vow my forever. I have been infatuated, love-struck, afflicted, and way too often addicted. In my cumulative closures, I’ve found that pioneering groovy keepers are my most token conquering treat. For all my wanting fastened with all my separations there came the climax to reverse my unsparing endings into curating reassuring commitments. Attending to the range of pleasurable components leaves me perked up going forward.

“I woan let you go back to that boy — not until you give me one bec doux.” A sweet kiss. Then he reached forward, unlacing the ribbon from my hair.

“What are you doing?” I murmured.

“Souvenir.” He put it in his pocket, and for some reason that struck me as the sexiest thing I’d ever seen. ~Kresley Cole, Poison Princess

It’s no coincidence I’ve chosen multiple sultry quotes to emphasize my story meaning today. Sexy suits me. It thrives in me. It drives me wild, as readily as it drives me utterly nuts. Starting predominantly during my college years, a string of searchings began. I was seeking my committed life companion, what would be my life calling career, who were my best friends, where was I meant to live, which family members would I tend to gravitate into my orb of guidance, and might global communities befriend me. Innumerable projections lined like Dominoes waiting to fall, only I was lacking the vision of healthy resolve. I was typically morose if anything fell apart. I would be mad at the world for taking from me. Until the lightbulb effect took off and I rewired my outlook on what I’d lost versus what remained. Souvenirs are a sweetness you may have disregarded during your breakups. They are the impressions I now impress upon you to claim to prevent the whole charm from halting in your maneuvers. Let us establish worthiness in all we do.

Not everything worth keeping has to be useful. ~Cynthia Lord, Rules

Divorces have gone beyond marrying legality stoppage and have come to imply for me the severance of any unworkable liaisons. Everyone undergoes a liberal amount of divorcing by these standards. In all my endings it turns out there were new beginnings. In all your demises there are prizes. These gems can be people, memorabilia evoking happy flashbacks, connections to greater footsteps strides you’re making into your future, or turnabouts of your mental state showing yourself achievement for letting go of harmful patterns for the sake of wising up to well-being boundaries. Photographs are a pure source of light, while special persons have been a noble righting. One substantial example was a time in my late twenties when another failed romance gifted me my ex-boyfriends best friend as my own. I swapped a perilous man for a sage one for me. What we hold onto from that which finishes with us should be as admirable as the heart that maintains beating for our liveliness. Such goodies from the bad are not required to be so profitable as valuable.

It is not our memories but the person we have become because of those experiences that we should treasure. This is the lesson these keepsakes teach us when we sort them. The space in which we live should be for the person we are becoming now, not for the person we were in the past. ~Marie Kondo

Piloting our way safely through autobiographical adventures is the enigma we wish to unravel. We aspire to be well compensated for our time. Relief is the benefit our appetites crave when ruptures have occurred. The education is always gathered inside the objects of our affection. It is us we’ve got to condition a drill of favoring. For every downfall, search instead to discover your trove. In decorating your awareness with suitable souvenirs of joy you may be more amused with life in general. Take pride in being released from noxious ties that are not to your advantage. Operate as much as possible without regret, disdain, complaint, critique, name-calling or finger-pointing. Appreciate your learning ~ what has worked and especially that which does not work at all for you ~ and watch your breakthroughs influence your comfort.

May you be the custodian of commemoratively dissolving with reward.

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