The Missing Motivator

My Missing Motivator, Photo by BradensEye in Mumbai

Absence gives the heart a run for its money. What’s missing for any of us carries the weight that it exists, but is simply hiding outside of our pace. Tracking the inertia to tip you into mover and shaker mode often lurks in what hasn’t become available for you yet nor in the moment any longer. The ingenuity is establishing the a-ha connect between what it means to have something and to give something up. The thrill can come in having your faculties aligned so that you choose to console your withering wayward soul by giving over to doing without a very thing that’s been the root of the evil plague set upon your unsatisfied life. Disarming is akin to taming this same beast by actively acknowledging all that is missing. When we identify what is not for us, either not quite in our periphery as hoped or equally not pushed outside the boundaries of our safety if we’ve been allowing devilish destruction, both are the holiest ‘missing’ motivators.

Whatever you put up with, you end up with. ~Unknown

Giving up means showing up for ourselves. Expression doesn’t need a purpose, expression is the purpose. There we are in all seconds articulating about our lives. I can’t begin to know the true number of complaints I hear in a week from friends or family, strangers or that associate I wonder about who I don’t think will ever be happy. Everyone speaks too much on the topics of what’s missing for them. I’m guilty as much as I’m charging outward in these statements. Still, I want to gather the growlers together to haul them to Africa with me to show them what missing really can feel like. It’s a brash reaction to the poor taste a luxurious lifestyle affords many. Cushy complacency is best fought on an uneven playing field in my experiences. The nagging that we don’t have all that we came to reap is buried back at the beginning of your missing components. Have an ulterior motive and you receive an unsavory ulterior slice of life. Those things you’ve pined to have that finally showed up are often due to what you course corrected to allow instead of putting up with aspects that don’t serve you. Let motivation be your master.

My advice to anybody, including myself, is if you’re going through a bad period, and you just can’t see the world’s on your shoulders and no day is a good day, you’re missing the whole point of the experience. And that’s something dogs know from the moment they come bounding up to you as a puppy. ~W. Bruce Cameron

Who doesn’t want the boundless ease of a puppy’s joy? We want our bellies full, our hearts to grow fonder, our pocketbooks plentiful, our successes everlasting, our air fresh, and our sanity, well, sane! It never occurred to me that eluding a boyfriend might mean I have some time to think about what I want. While I seek a man to share my world, it’s been a funtastic journey understanding new levels of myself to offer him. Whereas before, I was in hyperdrive mode only to please him. Forsaking myself entirely many times. I was missing me in most of my twenties and thirties years relationships. Another twist was that I didn’t know I missed skiing until the first time I flew down a slope in middle school. Mountains decked in snow weren’t near enough to make me wonder. Kisses were an even sweeter missing piece. The first French tongue-twisting experiment between my metal-mouth braces self and the boy I wanted as more than my friend gave way to a history of lingering on lips whenever I’m able to find a shamelessly succulent match.

When I was in college at UCLA, I took a playwriting course. I was all set to be a writer. But I had to take this acting class as a theater arts major. I had to do this scene in a one-act comedy. I just said this line, and then… this laugh happened. I thought, ‘Whoa. This is a really good feeling. What have I been missing?’ ~Carol Burnett

Missing has the arc to surprise and delight us with options we never knew could be so delicious. Missing has the calculus to summon showing up for us when we’ve proven we can give up bad habits by presenting good ones in place of the others. Missing is the art form of methodical filling in the gaps or choosing to be without for a range of time in order to create that which lifts us highest in feelings, thoughts, and real hard-earned happiness dinero. The ark of the missing covenant lies in catching what might be missing before you notice it’s not there. Then, as crafty as a patchwork princess rolls out another quilt, you’ve gotten a jump on the game. Knowing what you’re missing so clearly you’re consciously angling your path over and again to more succinctly line that bullseye up is the true point. Finding what you’re missing is a life key that fits any lock.

Look for what’s missing. Many advisors can tell a President how to improve what’s proposed or what’s gone amiss. Few are able to see what isn’t there. ~Donald Rumsfeld

Consider missing to be your sacrifice upswing. If you don’t let things rot you dial into the magic. My sense of giving philanthropically changed dramatically in 2006 during my first trip to India. For far too many, the missing is imperative lack. It’s that young street urchin beggar tugging at my jacket or those hauntingly beautiful eyes of the hungry girl staring through my India taxi window with her slight smile in spite of her empty tummy. My conscious became my teacher. I was bearing eloquent witness to global injustice. I had the means to fly to India, travel this vast continent, only to be confronted with the extreme poverty I could not curtail in one simple swoop. What street children are missing motivated me to give more whenever I was able. It’s equally the barometer reminder when I think I’m missing anything to calm me until I might get what I want. We technically have limitless avenues of options in such missing models. However, we’re prone to repetitive conditioning of choosing the same thing that may not be working in our favor. You can give up that beer you always hated and feel like a winner for a few chugs until your bestie reminds everyone you never really liked brews as much as beaus. Starting slowly is fashionable, if not funny sometimes.

I’m always consciously trying to make what I feel is missing. ~Pharrell Williams

Things whose aches keep my heart working overtime, I miss…

the way Fiji made me want to marry someone of another race, culture, and ease.

those kinds of days where we’d sit for hours after high school in the wild fields kissing, as you collected cattails for me.

whenever I lock smiling eyes during lovemaking.

the taste of saltwater in my mouth from hours of sea swimming.

hearing another’s heartbeat up close and personal.

walking wherever I go.


musical variations of the most jive rocking, seductively movement induced ilk.

sailing at the rate of dolphins keeping up.

the sound of snow falling, especially if I’m one of only a few shushing down a slope at warp speed as I listen.

bubble baths in giant tubs at least made for a comfy two.

learning to fly a plane or a chopper.

conversations I wish would never end.

the fact I’ve not set foot on every country.

laughing so hard tears pour from my eyes.

ice cream.

being swept off my feet in every single romantic form.

dancing into sweaty puddles.

koala bears I’ve not ever cuddled.

dog-earing insatiable books because dawn is coming and I still need sleep.

practicing my constellations knowledge, while I lose count due to the enormous number of shooting stars.

intellectualizing until I’m overflowing with raw wisdom.

VIP backstage passes.

petting cats whenever I’m not petting cats.

hugging often.

daily massages (mostly because I’ve not instituted this practice yet).

sunshine turning my skin to a golden bronze.

having a ballerina’s body.

falling in love.

the pieces of special people who have helped shape all my missing pieces.

May all that you’re missing fondle your motivations wildly.



LOVER of life. Especially people, places, philanthropy, pondering, and photography.

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LOVER of life. Especially people, places, philanthropy, pondering, and photography.